wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
