i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
