im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
3 2 1 whiskey
We are all done wearing pants today
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
