That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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