I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
