i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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