I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
