I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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