we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
