I will die if light touches me.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
