But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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