yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
The Olympian is in my bed
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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