Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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