OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
