so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
