some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
