I wish I could teleport
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
