Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
