I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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