No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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