can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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