you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
