everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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