would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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