she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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