It's like a parade of train wrecks.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
