somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
