Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
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