girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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