what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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