if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Randomize
