I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
