so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
