just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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