you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
