He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
