Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
