Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
