shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
