I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Life is so much better after having sex.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
you made out with another girl for some wings
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
