So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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