Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
