You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
