he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
