I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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