I faked an abortion last night.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
