I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Farmville is her only friend.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
