The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
