Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Randomize
