she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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