three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
