she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
