So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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