Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
